As we know, and keep getting reinforced, these are unprecedented times that we are going through at present. I have to admit that I am incredibly impressed by the way you have all been dealing with our changed situation and life under these new conditions. You have kept going amazingly and yet I know if my own feelings are anything to go by that there are times of doubt when fear and anxiety creep into our minds. Hence, I thought I would share with you this Food for Thought that is focused on how we deal with that fear and minimize its impact upon us and our wellbeing. You will notice how similar the suggests are, and how easily they can be employed in those moments when you feel some anxiety/ fear growing inside you. Remember you are not alone, it is happening to us all.
The three resources that I am sharing are:
- A combination of two posts from Awakened Leadership about Fear and tips for how to reduce it at these times
- Eckhart Tolle, the person who transformed my understanding of mindfulness when I read his book, A New Earth. In this video teaching, he talks about the mind and fear and how to control that train of thought.
- Finally, a blog post from the UK that again provides very practical ideas that you can implement and share to control our emotions and fears at this time.
Awakened Leadership, Dawa Tarchin Phillips:
"For many people.
COVID-19 has given rise to unprecedented levels of uncertainty and change,
and with that can come new levels of anxiety, fear, and worry.
Here are some
useful tips and tools to effectively work with anxiety and worry. By better
understanding how the human fear response works, it is easier to see how
anxiety can be positively influenced and regulated.
It is normal
to respond to great levels of uncertainty and change with some degree of fear, anxiety, and worry. And as you likely have experienced in your life firsthand, it is not as easy to talk yourself out of anxiety, as it is to talk yourself into it.
From a
scientific perspective, we distinguish four (4) different kinds of fear
responses in people:
- Fight: This
fear response is a rise in tension and aggravation directed outwardly.
We want to attack and be proactive about overcoming and eliminating our threat.
With COVID-19, which is an invisible threat to most people, this type of fear response manifests mostly in antagonizing others by blaming them for not doing the right thing or wanting them to “fix” the problems and issues faster than anyone is currently capable of. When we are in fight mode, we are ready to get things over and done with immediately and quickly. We don’t mind if we break things or if things get messy, our focus is narrow and tense as we seek to destroy the threat and take no prisoners in the process.
- Flight: This
fear response is an effort to remove ourselves from the threatening situation as fast as possible by escaping it or checking out. This checking out can happen mentally, emotionally or physically. We simply respond to the perceived threat of the situation with instant withdrawal and escapism. It can take hours, days, even weeks or longer until we notice our escape, and that we have checked out under the challenging circumstances. And it can take some time to make our way back to the situation in order to actually address and resolve it responsibly in a
timely, meaningful and helpful way.
- Freeze: This
fear response represents a partial shutdown in the face of the threat.
Our system is so overwhelmed under perceived attack that the only thing that seems doable is to stay still, stick our head in the sand, hold our breath and do nothing. We don’t move, don’t think, don’t breathe if we can. Triggered into a sense of paralysis, we just hope that the situation passes us unharmed. By freezing in place, we hope to not become a target (like others), we assume that if we just hold still and don’t move at all, we somehow can’t be negatively affected; that somehow freezing still will make us invisible.
- Faint: This
fear response is the total loss of conscious awareness due to the perceived threat. Paralyzed by fear, anxiety, and worry, our mind simply blacks out completely and we lose our ability to respond. As our system is not prepared or feels incapable of dealing with the perceived threat in a conscious way, the only option that remains is to pass out and/or go to sleep. Often, we hope that when we wake up – and we usually do -
it will all be over, and we look back at the situation as one of those nightmares we managed to avoid by simply sleeping through it. “Wake me up when it is all over!” is the unconscious survival strategy necessitated by our overloaded autonomic nervous system.
Understanding
these four (4) fear responses will make you better able to identify what you
might be going through, and to develop effective strategies to reduce
anxiety, fear and worry in your system when you have been triggered into one
or several of these described responses.
Here are tips for dealing with these fear responses:
1. Understand that
you need a kinesthetic or
somatic strategy, as some of your fear response is based in the
body. Stretching, yoga, working out, breathing exercises, and massages can all
be good kinesthetic or somatic exercises that can help you release worry and
anxiety from the body. For more on how to do simple work with the body to
release fear and anxiety, explore these Fear Melter® tools
developed by our friends at the Hendricks Institute. |
2. Since you may
have talked yourself into worry, you can also talk yourself out of it. The key here is to understand
the role of the two most powerful words in fear and anxiety management: “What
if…?”
Most worries,
anxieties and fears start with “What if…?”. What if I catch the COVID-19 virus?
What if I fall very ill? What if I infect others? What if I lose my job? What
if I can’t pay my rent? What if the economy does not recover? What if this
lasts longer than anticipated? An on and on it goes. “What if…?” is like a wild
bull in a china shop, and if not properly harnessed it can destroy your
confidence and peace of mind in a single sitting. Here is a helpful article that shows you how you can
harness your “What if…?” to work for you rather than against you, and how you
can regain your clarity and composure to make intelligent and smart decisions.
3. Integrate
simple mindfulness practices into your life...daily. If you part of our
mailing list, you may have heard it before, few things have been as scientifically validated
to radically reduce stress and anxiety in your life than a few short minutes of
mindfulness practice every day. Whether you get your daily dose while walking
your dog or sitting still on your chair or sofa, observing your breath with a
five-minute timer, every small investment you make in your ability to be calm
and present while letting go of thoughts and emotions, as described in this article here, can help you gain an
edge over anxiety and worry. "
In his slightly eccentric manner, Ekhart shows us how we can turn our attention
away from any fearful thinking and focus on the inner body and deepening into
the present moment.
Slightly UK centric post but an easy read that many of us can relate to:
IN CRISES, WE START DOING WEIRD STUFF: Over the last week, I have
struggled to sleep, stayed up late into the night reading endless news
articles, bought pasta I don’t even like very much and got angry with my mum for
not staying home. My spelling is a disaster and I’m definitely drinking more.
I’ve been a bit teary, and all I really want to eat is cake, cake, and more
cake. From what I got back from my post yesterday, I’m not alone.
If you’re having a wobble, you may also have noticed all sorts of weird
stuff going on. Are you arguing more, talking faster, struggling to sleep,
restless, desperate for information? Or are you teary and overwhelmed, perhaps
feeling a bit sick? Struggling to make decisions? Just want to stay in bed?
Tummy upsets? Having palpitations, butterflies, headaches? Ranting, picking
fights or getting into arguments? Laughing unexpectedly or saying random,
inappropriate things? Developing Very Strong Opinions on epidemiology
overnight? Or have you just completely gone to ground?
If you are feeling any of these things: good news! You are not going
mad. And you are 100% not alone. You are, in fact completely normal: a fully
emotionally functional human being. Congratulations! Why? I’ll explain: take a
seat and put the kettle on.
WE ARE LIVING IN TURBO-ANXIOUS TIMES. Well, no kidding. We’re in the
middle of an unprecedented crisis that has shown up unexpectedly (they do
that) and which presents a mortal threat to ourselves, our loved ones and our
way of life. It’s terrifying and it's getting worse and it makes us feel
totally out of control. And this is on top of anything else we have going on.
HERE’S THE SCIENCE BIT. When we are exposed to threats and need to deal
with them, our brain springs into action. Specifically a tiny, innocent-looking
thing buried behind your ear called the amygdala (fun fact: it's the size and
shape of an almond). It’s the bit in charge when we are frightened and right
now, it’s in full tin-hat klaxon mode. Unfortunately, it’s also very ancient
bit of kit. It came into being when threats basically consisted of being eaten
by large scary animals like bears. You know that thing about when you have a
hammer, everything looks like a nail? Well, to the amygdala, everything looks
like a bear. It’s also pretty basic, so it really only has two settings. They
are no bear 🙂 and BEAR!!!.
SETTING: BEAR!!!. Because all threats look like a bear to the amygdala,
it preps you accordingly. There are really only two reactions to a bear about
to eat you: fight it or run away really fast. So this is what the body gets
you ready to do. It’s called the Fight or Flight response (there’s also freeze,
meaning you just get paralyzed). It does this by flooding your body with
chemicals like cortisol, and adrenaline. Your heart rate goes up, you feel
super alert, your breathing goes shallow, your muscles are ready for action.
These chemicals are also largely responsible for the huge range of other
cognitive/physical/emotional reactions in my intro. In group fear situation
like a pandemic, this tends to happen whether you think you're scared or not -
anxiety is even more infectious than COVID. Your body reacts even if your
conscious mind doesn't.
BEAR V VIRUS: Obviously this is all great if you really are running away
from a bear. But we’re now in a situation where we’re being asked to do the
EXACT OPPOSITE of running away. We are being told to sit tight. Literally, stay
still. Process large amounts of information, make complicated and life-changing
decisions and stay calm. All while a bit of your brain is running around
yelling BEAR!!! BEAR!!! BEAR!!! This isn’t easy. The result is an awful lot of
stress and anxiety. And if you’re anything like me, you end up feeling really
overwhelmed and having all sorts of reactions.
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS: Anxiety isn’t just mental – it’s also physical,
cognitive and behavioral. You will notice all kinds of things: stomach upsets,
headaches, insomnia, changes to eating, changes to the way you talk. It’s also
cognitive: it’s very difficult to think straight when you’ve got the BEAR!!!
BEAR!!! BEAR!!! thing going on – so we also become very bad at making
decisions, absorbing information and generally thinking rationally. Which is
EXACTLY what we need to do.
SO WHAT TO DO: well, the good news is it is possible to calm down. We
can turn the amygdala from BEAR!!! to NO BEAR 😊, and not just by distracting it
with cake and tea. Here are some solid, scientifically proven things you can
do.
BREATHE. It’s so basic, but breathing exercises are basically magic.
They work in minutes and you can do them anywhere. They work because of all the
physical reactions the amygdala triggers, rapid breathing is the only one over
which we have conscious control. Control your breathing and you are basically
telling your body: it’s OK. There is no bear. Your body will then start to dial
down the adrenaline and cortisol and all the other reactions will slow to a
halt. How to control your breathing? It’s easy – and if you want help just put a "two
minutes breathe bubble" into YouTube. The golden rules are these:
• In through the nose, out through the mouth. SLOWLY
• Make the out-breath longer than the in-breath – imagine there’s a candle
in front of you and it mustn’t go out
• Breathe from the tummy, not chest – really make your tummy go out when
breathing in.
• Do it for two minutes - time yourself - and see how you feel
Seriously, try it – this technique is used by everyone from top athletes
to the US military to help stay in control while under stress. There are all
sorts of versions – from yogic breathing to box breathing to 4-7-8. Google
them, mess around, figure out what works for you.
CALL A FRIEND: Don’t suffer alone. Call a mate - someone who’ll listen
while you have a bit of a rant, or a cry, or a general wobble. Someone you can
trust not to judge you and who’ll just sympathize. And if you get one of those
calls, just be nice to them. You only need to be kind. You can’t fix what’s
going on so just give them a bit of space to rant and tell them they're normal
and doing great. And if you’re OK, call your friends and check in on them.
Especially if they’ve gone silent.
LAUGH: it doesn’t matter what is funny – laughter is a huge releaser of
endorphins. Silly memes, silly jokes, stand-up, rolling around with your kids –
videos on YouTube. The sillier the better. Also v good for bonding with
friends, which will also help you feel less alone.
DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HANDS. Yes, you can meditate if this is your bag,
it’s amazing. But if it’s not, and personally I’m rubbish, then trying to start
when you’re already anxious is really hard. So do something instead with your hands,
that you have to focus on to get right. Cook. Tidy. Knit. Draw. Bake. Garden.
Mend things. This is what nice middle-class therapists like me call
Mindfulness.
TREAT YOUR BODY: We hold stress in our bodies at least as much as our
minds. Take a bath or a shower. Put on things that feel good on your skin. Use
nice smelling body creams. Stretch. Skip. Do yoga. Dance. Eat healthy but
delicious things - fresh if you can get it. All of these will help calm you
down.
SUNSHINE. It’s SPRINGTIME amid this horror – enjoy it. If you can’t go
outside, open the windows and feel it on your face and breathe it in. If it’s
safe for you to go outside (maybe you live in the country) do it, while of
course observing social distance. Go for a walk. Being outdoors, connecting to
nature, is hugely calming.
STEP AWAY FROM SOCIAL MEDIA/THE NEWS: All it will do will scare you more
and make things worse. Turn off the telly and for god’s sake avoid the
psychopathic digital wild west that is Twitter. Stick to sensible sources like
the BBC and the NHS, and limit yourself to short need-to-know bits a day.
You’ll feel better immediately. Talk to friends instead - this is physical, not
social distancing
STEP AWAY FROM TERRIBLE COPING MECHANISMS: They will all translate as
BEAR!! to your poor brain. Especially don’t get drunk, especially if you’re
alone (BEAR!!!), take drugs (BEAR!!!), stay up all night reading (BEAR!!!), get
sucked into conspiracy theories (BEAR!!!), pay attention to ANYTHING Donald
Trump says (BEAR!!!). See? Stress levels going up already. Breathe.
BE KIND: to yourself and others. Now is not the time to go on a diet.
Nor is this the time to start on Proust or makeover your life. You'll probably
struggle to concentrate, fail and make yourself feel worse. Don’t make this
more stressful than it already is. Think comfort books, comfort telly, comfort
everything. Personally, I re-read children's books. Everyone is wobbly, everyone
is going to have a meltdown at some point. Understand that if someone is angry
or aggressive, then they are also just scared. And eat more cake. Cake makes
everything better.
So, there we go. Hopefully a bit less BEAR!!. Now, that kettle should
have boiled by now. Go make a nice cup of tea, sit by a window and drink it in
this lovely morning sunshine. We are British after all. And save me some cake ❤.
Update from HCMC People's Committee:
https://ishcmchungry2learn.blogspot.com/2020/03/12-things-to-do-immediately-issued-by.html
